Now, just to make things clear, just like last time, there are people that have it WAAAAaaaaAAAAY worse than I ever did and unfortunately, this is not the same (flavour of) despair, and I can only be looked down by those unfortunate souls. We are discussing a first world problem, on devices others can only dream of at the end of the day (keep it real y’all!). So, with the ihadenoughofthebs/Mystery Bogdan obligatory disclaimer out of the way, shall we proceed?
For anyone that has been a long way away from home, it will not be unfamiliar with the feeling of home sickness. What this Foreigner has noticed, it’s the fact that it comes in flavors. In general, people feel differently leaving behind an entire universe for different amounts of time, but there is one flavor that not that many get to taste, and some taste it at level of emotional maturity where it is not destructive: despair.
To help you make sense about despair, you need to understand a few things about the Foreigner. As much as we all (have to) leave the childhood bedroom sooner or later, the Foreigner sprints and leaps towards the unknown. A thirst for knowledge, in areas trivial or grand, is the springboard that the Foreigner uses to launch himself in the great unknown of life. Along the way, either at launch, peak, landing or anywhere in between the stages of this leap, something happens. Doubt slowly creeps in, so you adjust your trajectory sometimes without any real reason. Other than doubt. “Will I achieve what I set out? Is this truly the path that I set out for myself?”.
Seems these are normal questions that everyone asks themselves while running through life. But there is one question that the Foreigner asks with a totally different tonality and meaning: “Is this where I wanted to be?”. When looking back, the Foreigner has unknowingly done something that was never planned fully: complete detachment from a previous life. That includes friends, family and not to be considered last, places. Take a moment, think about your favourite place you like to visit by yourself to clear your head. Take a moment to think about that one place where your best friend bought drinks for everyone. Those places are as good as gone.
Although new friends are made, new places are found, things are never truly the same. The only thing that truly remains constant is the support of all those that set you up on your ramp. That can be done through love and care, or through disdain and heartlessness. Not everyone is lucky to have a loving and caring family, and we have to admit that. That is why so many people are broken and start running towards anywhere they can, regardless of where it may lead them, the past be damned. For some, it can turn better, for others maybe not so much. Either way, they are Runners. But either way, one thing will hit: despair. And once that happen, Runners usually keep going one step at a time, and learn next time to not stumble as bad.
For the lucky lot, the Jumpers in the unknown, despair can be that much more crippling. I am one of these. A dreamer. The worldview of a Jumper is not one built with stone and mortar, but it’s a stained glass image that can break out of seemingly nothing. And usually that is exactly what happens. Dreaming for something better, it also means it becomes incredibly easy to see approaching daemons that are not there. Despair is always just around the corner, and always ready to clip the wings of hope. Jumpers tend to also be more tied with their past, and when the realisation that all is left in the past sinks in, the dread of loss sinks in.
Foreigners are viewed as brave, strong, ready to move mountains and with the mental fortitude that is unrivalled. That can become true in time, but us young ones, we are still building ourselves up. If we are given chances, we will take them, and maybe even succeed.